Behind the Obvious. More Value!

Reminiscing about my twin pregnancy last week reminded me of another powerful lesson I learned during that time. 
 
We lived in a drafty, old, hodgepodge in Bellevue, a suburb of Seattle. We decided to do a small remodel to make it more livable and safe for children.
 
We solicited a few bids, and I took the time to “look” energetically at who was the best choice rather than merely go on numbers. The “brightest” contractor promised he’d have the job done in a few weeks, well before a scheduled visit from some California friends.
 
A week before my friends were to arrive, I suddenly realized there was no way the work was going to be finished in time! I called the contractor. He gave me a reasonable excuse, apologized, and promised it would be finished well before the babies arrived. 

OK, I understand. I said.

Inside, I bathed the babies in cortisol!
 
You know where this is going, but, there's more...
 
Time ticked on. He told me he had a demanding client in Medina (a fancy neighborhood where Bill Gates lives). He said she was “crazy” and pressuring him to finish her project. Mine would be next, he promised. I told him I was disappointed, but what was I going to do?
 
I’ll tell you what I did. I hung up the phone and RAGED! Adrenaline rushed through my veins burning my skin, racing my heart, constricting my breath. I broke out in a full-body sweat. I felt out of control like I was transforming into the Hulk, being ripped apart from the inside.
 
Then, heaving sobs took over.
 
The Obvious:

• Anyone in this situation would have been angry!

• I was 8 months pregnant with twins, a toddler, and exhausted. Of course, I’d be upset!

• My anger was clearly justified since he’d promised me twice, yet dragged on this remodel for months!

• Clearly, it would not be finished in time so the babies would be coming home to a construction zone!

• He took away my instinctual need to nest!

• I hated that he was causing me all this stress, knowing it was impacting my innocent, precious babies!!!

• Why did I pay him 75% already when the job wasn’t even 50% complete?! I’m such an idiot!!

• And on and on and on…

Behind the Obvious:
 
When I finally calmed down enough to ground, clear my energy, and process these intense emotions, I could “see” behind the obvious.
 
I realized I was actually angry at myself. Angry and disappointed that’d I’d not had the courage to speak up, demand action sooner, hold him accountable to his first promise, much less his second.
 
When I looked behind the anger, I saw that I didn’t feel as worthy as the Medina lady. She was rich, and her project was significant so, of course, it was more important. My project was small, unimportant. In reality, I was small, unworthy. I knew it, he knew it.
 
When I looked behind the unworthiness, I saw that I was making myself small because I wanted to be liked. I didn’t want him to tell another client that he had this witch Bellevue client who was so demanding. I’d always bake treats, make him espressos, and listen to his long-winded stories about his kids on the occasions he did show up—always with a smile plastered on my face. The smile was genuine, not fake, because I truly wanted him to like me.
 
When I looked behind the need to be liked, I saw a little girl wanting to be good, nice.
 
Oh, I sobbed and sobbed. I cried pent-up emotions from my entire life. Finally, I was able to use my grounding to release all of this energy-in-motion, aka emotion. I released so many concepts and beliefs that I no longer wanted to own. I made energetic separations with the contractor, with the entire project. I cleaned and cleared energy like there was no tomorrow!
 
It’s natural to succumb to the obvious, especially when it’s “justified,” and we’re too busy/tired/overwhelmed/unconscious to dig deeper. It’s hard to look behind the situational facts and see the real issues.

But I did it! How do I know?
 
Because a few days after the twins were born, I was sitting on the couch with no shirt on, struggling to hold each baby up to a breast like two heavy footballs, when in walks the contractor—no advance notice and using the key I’d given him months prior. I was utterly unperturbed—having released my need to make him feel comfortable as well as my anger towards him.

He sure was embarrassed, though, and finished our job pronto!
 
I was grateful for the experience and could “see” why he was the “right” contractor when I’d looked energetically to choose one. He showed me the underbelly of my need to be good, nice, liked.
 
Guess what else? For the past 17 years, I’ve had a more straightforward, equal relationship with contractors. This came in handy, no pun intended, when our house was hit by a mudslide. I was dealing with contractors on a daily basis for months—still am now that we’ve recently moved onto repairing the yards.

Are there areas in your life where you've been duped into thinking the obvious facts are what you are facing? Dare to look behind them. You will find more value than you can imagine!
 
Mindfulness is a great first step. What you DO with your awareness, that’s Ascended Presence. Please share this post with anyone you feel could use a little inspiration and support.