To create deeply meaningful and healthy relationships today, we must start by healing from past ones.

Last week’s post defined the term healing as it is used in Spiritual circles.

I shared the simple example of how I healed my fears around being hungry. When something that used to bother you no longer does, that’s a form of energetic healing.

Today, I want to share another type of healing and one close to my heart—healing from early childhood relationships.

Why Heal From the Early Relationships?

You are probably not living with your birth family or maybe your parents/siblings have already passed, so why should we put in the time and effort to heal from those relationships?

It’s never too late and always worth the effort because when we heal from those relationships, we are able to create new healthier ones that we can enjoy today—whether that be with those same people, or the ones you live with now and in the future.

Let’s be crystal clear. We are not trying to forget the past. That’s not true healing; that’s just pretending (insider language alert—aka Spiritual bypassing) or worse, burying it where it just festers only to emerge in some other way or form.

Instead, we want to use lessons learned from these past relationships for our own healing. Yes, you read that right. My/your healing is not dependent on anyone else or any external circumstance. Even though a relationship is between two people, we only have the ability to heal ourselves.

You may be asking: What good is it if I heal, but the other person doesn’t?

You may think your issues would be resolved if you changed your brother or mother or Uncle Bruno, or convinced them to agree with you on whatever topic or issue. But these tactics do not resolve anything nor help you heal. None of these options would be possible anyway--trust me I’ve tried!

When you truly heal from your childhood relationships, you release the “hot buttons” your sister knows how to push. You are no longer “triggered” by your father’s insensitive comments. You can see their remarks/behaviors for what they are—a reflection of them that has nothing to do with you. With this realization, it’s as if the trigger just disappears.

Signs You Need Healing From Past Relationships

Some people had idyllic childhoods, and that’s wonderful! That merely means they chose to work on other issues this lifetime.  If you’re unsure, here are some signs you may have some healing to do around relationships:

• Do you plan to just suck it up at Thanksgiving, fake your way through dinner with a plastered smile or gritted teeth, maybe a wee bit of wine?

• Do you hold, hold, hold it all together until you just can’t anymore and suddenly revert back to your childhood self only to play the “why did I say/do that?” regret game all the way home?

• Or think back to a time when you were little and you vowed, “I’ll never to do or say that to my kids!” Yet, you hear your mother or father’s words flying right out of your mouth as if they had a life of their own.

• Do you have difficulty with boundaries, subconsciously trying to be a good kid or just plain nice?

• Do you find it hard to enforce rules or give consequences to your own children, afraid they won’t like you if you do?

These are signals healing work is needed. Use them like signposts showing exactly where healing is needed.

How to Heal?

Healing can be achieved in many ways. Some people enjoy talking things out with a therapist or through their own meditation practice. They prefer to take things more slowly, exploring situations and nuances over time. This feels safer and definitely a positive route for many.

Personally, I like to go directly to the heart of my issues through clairvoyant readings and intuitive coaching. I want to discover why I did/do/say/think/feel/believe something, decide if I want to continue that path and if not, change it ASAP!

While psychic insight often catalyzes the healing process, using energetic management tools such as grounding, centering, making energetic separating, among others is how to continue the journey and maintain results.

Healing our own wounds is the first step in creating strong, nourishing relationships with ourselves first and foremost, but also with our partners, children, colleagues, neighbors, etc.

It’s also the way we break the cycles and patterns of thinking and behaving that had been handed down to us, sometimes for generations. You can continue to perpetuate the unhealthy cycle or you can stop it through your own healing.

Rather than being a selfish act, healing is the greatest gift you can give to another person and ultimately the greater good.

Helping people heal from past relationships, especially those related to our birth families, is a common calling in my work with clients. None of us want to pass down our baggage onto others.  If you would like to explore your own healing, you’re welcome to book a reading which unlocks coaching options.